dear matt, today was a tough one. My grief, sorrow and pain comes in waves. Its super different than the pain i felt trying to push past the infidelity, staying with you, "healing". its night and day. this time around, i am completely alone, and aint nobody coming to save me. I am in the … Continue reading transformation is just falling apart, rising, just to fall again.

Its been exactly a year since Matt and I leaned into a session with Sophie and Adi. Holy crap when I think about what has happened, and what lies ahead. Ive been lost, trapped, afraid ,alone , completely gutted, immobilized and helpless. I hit my own rock bottom. i realized-- nobody is coming to save … Continue reading 365 days.

this will be short since i need to wake early for work tomorrow BUT employment dramaNYC updatescareer thoughts/progressionstress fratcure healing/ need to travel.closenessconfidence work

If given a choice in my life up until this point- i have always chosen the path of chaos and resistance. My friend is taking a mental health leave of absence from our job due to the toxic work environment. She says to me often "how do you do it all? don't you ever break … Continue reading choosing health

As the weeks pass, I continue to integrate. I have more and more "oh shit" moments. I go through periods where all i want to do is text or pick up the phone to call tylers and apologize profusely and tell him how much i am learning about myself and how much I projected my … Continue reading Acceptance with a side of reflection

Today is the first day in MONTHS I have felt inspired. Holy. crap did it feel good. I didn't even put my plan into action , but to FEEL internal passion again is everything. Pulling myself out of my depression is the hadest thing i have ever done. To feel the rejection of not being … Continue reading blank page

I am in bed at 9pm on a friday night. I worked, went and swam laps, came home, made an egg and chicken sausage. I was reminded of covid and all the breakfast food i ate with matt. I started reminiscing- but stopped myself. i remembered the resentment i lived in. How i couldn't simply … Continue reading On insanity

I took my human design profile as i worked with Bryn- realizing just how much of life is truly choice. every "expert" out there is also just opinion based. i spent a lot of the last 3 years seeking out help from others to help me shift my perspective and forgive, when what i really … Continue reading Finding my gut again

I hope you are happy and fulfilled in every single one of your days.  I hope you have so much laughter and joy, and your mornings bring a combo of red lobster biscuits and fage after long bike rides and runs.  I hope you impact thousands as a YouTube healthy consistency or whatever variation of … Continue reading I’ll always love you.

slowly, acceptance. seriously. I lived in denial for so long. was unable to accept the infidelity. it brought out immense amounts of anxiety and panic. it brought about self doubt, declining mental health, amongst so much more. Now? I realize I have to accept rejection and abandonment. The truth is, I dont necessarily "want" to … Continue reading Anchoring back to self