I just don’t know it yet.
The internal shifts in our lives come through when we least expect them. The blank page just turns. The expansive conversation happens when we stop searching for meaning. When we exhale into what is. When we see someone else for who they are truly and fully. When we stop assigning ourselves to them , separate what they have done for us or laughed w us through and instead see their personalities and how they choose to operate in the world objectively. What do they value? Where Is the emphasis? How correct are we inside?
It completely changes the narrative. It’s sobering. It makes turning the page feel more than possible. Leaving behind the others no matter how much ink filled those preceding lines. It’s the pages we never got to write. Or that were erased before anyone read them that haunt me. That are patiently waiting to be devoured fully.
Sometimes we think radically changing our worlds is imposible. Or we spend so much time talking about it, we don’t actually live it or do it. Sometimes, we simply have put down the armour to let those transitions make their way in naturally. The page turns with some perspective.
This is imposible if we don’t feel safe enough. It’s so liberating when we do. When the blanket is lifted.
The first real Breath of air we’ve taken In months to years -the one that exists to just be. Not to do or please or solve or fix or find or connect. But simply to just be. With that comedown comes the broadening of our own horizons and minds- space suddenly exists where chaos and fear and fight or flight used to exist. the work we somehow know needs to be done just happens without effort. The more we talk about it- the less we do it. Sometimes, we can’t put things into words. It happens to us. Through us. The feelings come when you stop forcing them. The action just appears. When the stock and meaning of your life happens within your own head and heart.
assign no amount of worth or control, but instead trust in your unfolding. The place that forms between effort and ease. The place I didn’t know existed before this year. Maybe I did years ago but it was masked by expectations and shapes and forms and trauma. I’m simply living again for the first time in a long time.
Ryan radically changed my life. He doesn’t know it yet. He might. -but In more ways than I can put into words. My trust in love and humanity greatly amplified due to his presence. So fucking grateful. Angels in human form exist all around us.