Coaching Call #1

I’m learning how to become a coach. Similarly to when i signed up for YTT, I have this deep knowing that it is what I need. This is for multiple reasons, but the most important being to learn how to actively listen to others. I know what I think about things, how to express my feelings so quickly- but in the last year and a half when i lost matt, julianna, dana– . It is not so that i can rebuild those relationships in a different way (though i would love to do that) but moreso because i want to grow from and learn from where i went wrong, and change. when i reflect deeply i see

  1. my lack of actively listening
  2. how REACTIVE i was.

    i want to learn how to not only listen, but respond in ways that help make them feel safe. i am quick with vulnerability, but when it comes to those very close to me i have historically gotten loud, rude, emotionally abusive etc. I am excited to start this jounrey not only for myself but how i show up for my patients, as well. Be a better provider, learn how to speak kindly, more open hearted. Same goes for me as a yoga instructor or when in conflict.

    I have the natural attitude and energy to lead. BUT it takes a safe, regulated nervous system to lead effectively. LOL that was not me trying to “repair” the last few years. in fact, my integrity went down the toilet in that. beauty in the breakdown, yall. I am on the journey of walking the walk, finally. it feels so damn good.

Today we talked about a desire list. ensuring that its not coming from fear or lack, and to be less judgemental of our own desires. I realized that i used to associate comfort as a luxury– shitty furniture, cheap places to live etc. it makes no sense but it was modeled for me as a kid. i want to start to ACTUALLY figure out what i desire in life. in my body. from my heart. and then ASK for it from people i actually love. mostly from myself. little things- like prepping nutritious meals, making my bed, getting my nails done- idk! having a partner to enrich my already happy life and coming from a healthy place of staying in my wholeness in that process.

We are capable of creating powerful imagery in our minds. Perceptions of what someone means, how they will react. What they intend, how they feel. we even create our own internal dialogue about what a situation means, or how to make peace. we jump to conclusions before figuring out how we actually feel ourselves. and then do we give space for others we care for if they change?

One of the hardest things to do, is to make peace with the fact that we have no idea what is actually going on in someone else’s internal world. relating is how we create a life worth living– and how we communicate and navigate in those interpersonal relationships creates satisfaction or lack thereof. finding common ground to relate on or to is how it begins.

My calls are monday nights, and i think i will hold myself accountable by blogging baout them afterwards. the hotseat days or free coaching is on thursdays (Which is my day off work and my day for regular therapy anyways – so its perfect! ) .

about to help mel load and pack her car, and a HUGE patient load tomorrow. i emailed christina today to advocate for myself there too because i know that 3 is too many news for me to give comprehensive care. i am learning my worth in my life and where to be expressive. How to be confident. and show up. its been a journey.


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