“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” – Rumi
My thoughts move at such a fast pace, I find it is often difficult for my body to keep up. I have always been a do-er. Sitting or spending a day with the intent to relax creates an anxiety within me. I find myself feeling so stressed and with nervous energy when I spend a day sleeping in or spending a day in my apartment.
Unfortunately this past year, I have developed chronic GI problems, leaving me exhausted and overbooked between school and doctors appointments. I have had to listen to my body and rest more, forcing my active mind into overdrive while keeping my body more sedentary. The crazy health nut that I am, I STILL push myself to run, go to yoga, walk, or take trips despite what is sometimes best for my body. It got me thinking about what else I take value in, how to move forward given what the hand has dealt me, and what to do about it.
I am overly passionate about all things nutrition and health. I could spend days explaining the importance of proper eating, how to cook vegetables, recipe ideas, why I think a vegetarian lifestyle is beneficial in the U.S., or how to prevent chronic disease through diet and exercise. Similarly, planning new running routes, a training schedule for my next marathon, hikes on my dream list or yoga I want to dig deeper in are also major loves of mine. I will always opt for a day outside staying active and exploring. I majored in Health Promotion in college, only furthering my love for health. These passions have driven me, and kept my spirit so alive the last 8 years.
When I got hit in April 2016 with a GI disorder that prevents proper nutrition intake, it made my passion for eating and exercise frustrating, and many times unattainable. I constantly find myself feeling hypocritical, unable to follow my own morals and standards due to my gut. Granted, I still take in every second that I feel well enough to get in a long run- today I ran 10 miles! or indulge in eggs and avocado, and the occasional sautéed spinach. I did 2 half marathons last fall, I run a couple of days a week, and I practice yoga often. I am still pursing my love for activity. The diet portion has been more difficult but I am hopeful that one day I will be able to use my knowledge to better the lives of others through nursing and health counseling, or an online platform as I become more confident in my ability to educate others.
The past year I have felt an unfamiliar sense of imbalance within me. It is definitely due to the onset of my illness, but I think much of it comes less from my illness itself and more from the way my illness has impacted my lifestyle, beliefs, and direction of focus. With my inability to throw my heart and soul into what I have considered to define me the last 8 years, I started to look at other areas of my life that I value in smaller numbers and keep on the backburner. Travel being the first, with writing following right behind. I have always loved traveling, and my wanderlust is constantly beckoning me when I am in one place for too long. Last year I traveled to 8 countries and 12 states, and I am currently planning an upcoming trip in March. I enjoy learning about new cultures, I am a self proclaimed history nerd.
With my last blog as a personal place for thoughts and processing emotions in my life, I decided to stop ignoring the secondary less “loud” loves of mine and make them a bigger priority. I hope that it enables self growth, and in some way lessens the void and imbalance that has been in me since my health crisis.
All of this is to say, I am at a turning point. A quarter life crisis? maybe. This blog will aid as disaster relief, and provide a place to document my travels, photos and the occasional personal thoughts as I go through my 20s.